____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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