he made me have a moment of silence for the half of my ice cream cone i threw away.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
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