i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
