How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Bein cut off at a bar is embarassing ...until you get to the next bar.
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
