Kareoke will never be a sober sport
drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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