just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Here's my recipe for happiness. Go get a pen. 1. smoke a bowl 2. put on explosions in the sky 3. take a bath. Do this for about 1 hour or until all your problems go away.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
