I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
be right there i have to get my cape
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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