I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
