I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
Just did an upsidedown spineboard shot. Gotta love lifeguard parties.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
