you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I just wanted to hook up with a white guy to prove that i could go back.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
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