What a fucking waste of an outfit
My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
By the way seagulls wings are very soft. And the lesbian and or by sexual twins say hello. Be home in the little bit time frame.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize
