i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Side note: THE ORIGINAL LION KING IS COMING THE MOVIES AGAIN--3D STYLE. We need to find shrooms.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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