just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
