well I can't set my house on fire every night
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
Well I knew we were drunk when I told you it was a good idea to shit in the ocean
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
Omg I'm puking right now and then sneezed four times in a row. You don't know pain til this happens to you.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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