Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Just now remembered singing Trashy Women at the reception. Not karaoke, just sang along with the mic I stole from the DJ. All while still in my dress drinking champagne from the bottle
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
