Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize