I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Watching NYC prep. Doing a shot everytime one of these d-bags flips his hair. I give it 10 minutes before alcohol poisoning set in.
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
i just thought a plastic bag was my cat. i just pet a plastic bag. that high.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
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