She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
