He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
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