I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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