is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I probably looked like a mental patient. I had my IV in one hand and cup of pee in the other, swaying around with a dazed grin on my face. I love vicodin.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
Randomize
