I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
