I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Randomize
