We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Randomize
