Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
I looked at my own cervix.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
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