Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
So we went to home depot to buy supplies to build a beer bong but ended up buying an office water cooler that were going to put vodka in
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
