Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
Randomize
