4:12a: just got back to his place now. I don't want to talk about it
I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
Walk of shame. Stopped at an estate sale on the way back to the house. Old lady pulled a condom wrapper of the back of my hoodie. beat that
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize