i think my mom watched the whole time
I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
