Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
my mom just asked if she should wash your furry handcuffs with the lights or darks
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
They gave me patron and potatoes I couldn't say no
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
