Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
