Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
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