Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
