got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I got her a Nickelback box set.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
