Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
We got so high we made milksteak
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Randomize
