I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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