Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh please. You given/recieved a handjob out in public. I think that shy ship has sailed.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
