i feel like after you turn 30 you aren't supposed to black out anymore
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Randomize
