Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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