woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
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