I scissor kicked a one legged man last night.
He was trying to put me in handcuffs.
You have my attention.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Note: fake nails and fingering anus.... Not a good idea
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
Randomize
