Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
there's a sledge hammer in the bottom of the swimming pool... so whatever happened last night was probably awesome
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Randomize
