im in a room full of women tattooing each others tits. i hope i remember this tomorrow
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
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