am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I just couldn't load the family groceries on to the same seat where I had sex 12 hours ago.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
