Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
that's why i use the vibrator in the tanning bed. multitasking. plus then my rooms doesnt know how pathetic of a life i lead.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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