Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
