You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Im in search of the perfect penis, it would be unethical for me not to test run them.
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
buying a tattoo gun on ebay just sounded like a good idea at the time idk man
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
