Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
out of nowhere you said let us see your boobs, then proceeded to pull my shirt down.
i gets down
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Randomize
