He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
