why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
Randomize
