you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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