Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
Randomize
