so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
i mean, i offered you kinky, jungle themed sex. i don't know what else you want from me
Woke up naked next to Alex and he was braiding my hair and then commented on how healthy my hair was. I don't even know anymore..
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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