Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
You were absolutely insistent that the entire bar knew that it was peanut butter jelly time
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tired to make us "vodka tacos". Which was just you dipping pitas in vodka.
Any good?
Well. FUCK YA. But that's beside the point
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
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