There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
All of my current injuries can be related back to sex.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
am i new drunk or am i still drunk
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
My breath smells like gin and sadness
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
Randomize
