i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
Randomize
