you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Found your dick twin last night
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
Randomize
