"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
