how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Woke her up in the middle of the night with the smell from a fart. So proud of my colon.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
just found a joint on the street in downtown. smoked it with the hot guy from my chem class
WHAT IS UP WITH YOU SMOKING/ DRINKING THINGS OFF THE GROUND?
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