So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
I found my parents stash of sex toys. You know my green one? My mom has it...in purple. I HAVE THE SAME VIBRATOR AS MY MOTHER
Randomize
