Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
