Don't you send me to vm
Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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