the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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