Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
ok first of all what the fuck
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