my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
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