smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I asked him to explain what he meant by "hooking up" in paragraph form
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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