Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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